Updated: Feb 10, 2021
Life can portrait many paths, some taken, some not.
The journey is based on one choice after the other, so a life in more or less constant decision making.
DO YOU KNOW THE FEELING…?
When I reached the age, where I was the one to make all of the decisions for myself, I had already been trained to make them from a certain program based on the do’er aspect of myself.
“What do you want to be?
What is the next thing you are going to do?
What are you going to do with your life?”
⁃ They all asked.
My response was always based on what I thought they wanted to hear or wanted me to do.
“WHATEVER YOU DO MAKE SURE YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.”
⁃ And so it was.
I used to swim and did it very well until my body wouldn’t let me anymore and I was stopped by an injury.
After a long healing, I started running until the same injury stopped me from that too.
I started working out, lifting weights, and had new injuries in other places of my body.
Now I know it was because I always DID something, had to DO something other than BEING, which is all that I am, which I am fully aware of now.
As a woman I had been taught to live my life with roots in the masculine energy, that the feminine aspect of myself was my vulnerability and that there wasn’t any room in this world for that, it would just end up getting me hurt.
I was taught that if anyone wanted to help me, they would always want something in return.
I was taught to get by on my own, do it myself and not rely too much on other people to get things done.
“IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF.”
Which of course isn’t the truth. We actually NEVER do anything on our own whether we believe it or not. If it isn’t universal energies that are assisting, then I bet, when you take a closer look, whatever you want and desire enclose other people in the process at some point.
What I was taught, in general, was imbalance, was resistance to my primary source of energy, was my heart and everything in it.
In 2015, after starting my first, very own business, I started to become aware of this fact. Every female I attracted into my life was more feminine than me, I thought. I decided to go deeper into that sensation. Was there any truth to these thoughts within me? So I started studying myself in connection to these other women. They came to me for advice, counseling and even for me to take over in some cases, so they didn’t have to take control themselves, and I gladly got into it, no questions asked - All very masculine energy.
My internal question came from these experiences; what is it about me that attracts these types of women? Soon after I started asking them, all of them, the one same question, which was: Do you see me as a feminine female?
Everyone and without exception answered me the same sentence: “Yes, you are very feminine, you dress feminine and you are so good with your make and accessories.” My next question was then, and every time the same: “So, if you compare yourself to me, which one is the more feminine?” The answer was, again, always the same: “No, I guess if we compare you to me, I would be the more feminine one.”
Yes, and there it was.
A masculine energy, even in a female body, will attract the opposite - the yin to the yang.
I didn’t want it to be like this. I didn’t want to be like that, but was I ready to take the necessary steps to be feminine? Did I even know what it meant and how to do it? NO! I can honestly say I didn’t.
All I knew was that I wanted to change and not leave my being in status quo, thus I had to investigate what it means to be feminine versus masculine. The more I felt into the feminine energy, the more I found it to be weak, defenseless and far away from all intellectual matters, not innovative. Not accurate, of course, however it was what I felt and connected to my inner feminine. Hmm…so did I even want to be feminine. No, I really didn’t, not at that time in my life, which of course meant that I really wasn’t ready.
Since then I have been made ready just by making this solid promise to myself:
I WANT TO BE ME AND ALL THAT I AM, TO LIVE IT, BE IT, ALL OF ME ALL THE TIME.
I didn’t care what that ME consisted of, all I knew was that the most important thing for me was to be ME and not the program that had been installed in me throughout my upbringing from the outside world, people and surroundings.
I have done some of the work now, which I feel ready to share with you, but I am also very much aware that I am doing the work every day. Habits die hard and we cannot live a life in one type of energy only, we consist of both, so even a very feminine has to go into the masculine to get things done.
To me, in the beginning, it felt like an addiction that I used to take a lot of every day, then to be told that I was allowed to take some but only a little each day.
What I learned was that the most important thing is AWARENESS. To be aware of when I was in which energy and why, so I could step back into my strongest suit, which is the feminine energy for a female and masculine for the male (and yes, there are cases where this doesn’t fit, but in most cases this is what goes).
As I am sitting here writing in my do’er, masculine energy, I have a flower lying to the left side of my computer screen, to remind myself of my inner feminine power and strength, which is the source of my creative process.
On top of that, I do take my breaks to dance my goddess dance, take long, warm baths with delicious oils and nurture myself as best I can with what I have got. I have longer periods of time during my day, where I just lean back, sit still in silence and do absolutely nothing. I just sit and receive, take in all that life has to offer in each moment.
Sitting on a wooden terrace, surrounded by green trees, bushes, ferns and rhododendrons with the most colorful purple, violet, pink and white flowers. Birds singing from the trees and the sun shining down from a clear, blue sky.
All of which invites me into my open and receiving heart, my goddess center to meet my sacred feminine me. This is my essence, this is me, this is my part of divinity.
The masculine is mind and body.
The feminine is emotion and soul.
In physical form there is none without the other.
I don’t work out anymore, I practice yoga. Varies types of yoga but never to grow stronger or more fit (masculine) but to grow wiser, more aware and align all that I am with my physical being. Here I get to feel my SELF, I awaken my body to the consciousness of my soul.
Yoga allows for flow between feminine and masculine energies. In and out of masculine power positions, building structures into feminine flow from one pose to another, into softness, beautiful and fluid movements.
Often women think too much, over think and over analyze. When we as women do this, we step into the masculine energy and the only reason why we do this is FEAR. Something has been triggered inside us, which has made us feel unsafe, so we search for protection and thus step into the masculine, as safety and protection is carried forth by the masculine energy. I will get into the fear in just a bit.
The woman’s inner masculine is her guard, her protector and her savior. Or so the masculine energy within the woman thinks.
Just by being made aware of this, we have the chance to change it, express it, hone it.
Many benefits flow from this awareness, one is that we teach ourselves, as women, what kind of man we want and then make ourselves available to that man. We simply invite the masculine from outside of ourselves into our being.
So, we fear something. What is it that we fear and why do we fear so much?
A feminine energy will always search for a masculine. When she has a masculine energy of support, strength, safety and protection from outside of herself, she doesn’t need to cultivate it to the same degree internally.
But hey, why do then see so many singles? Does that mean that there isn’t any masculine men left in this world?
No, of course it doesn’t. there are some, unfortunately not as many as there once was. For each female being in her masculine there is a male in his feminine. That is changing now. We are going home to our primary selves.
When the feminine female is triggered into fear, the masculine man can’t be there for her. So who is to take the first step towards union?
LOVE THE MASCULINE MALE & STOP FEARING HIM
For a while now I have been hearing the same sentence over and over in my head: LET THE FEMININE LEAD THE WAY.
The masculine is the do’er, the feminine is the initiator, who calls him in to DO.
How do we as women initiate then, when it calls for us to be open and vulnerable, which we fear so much?
By being aware of what we are expressing before we express it.
Love the fear out of you and love the fear out of each other.
The more love you are open to share and give, the more love you facilitate.
To stop the fear of the masculine males it takes for you as a female to heal your inner masculine, the energy within you that is always on guard as your inner feminine’s protector. Give that energy some rest and make room for the love that is meant for you.
I am here as a guide for you. to help you unveil your path back into your SELF. Whether it being through you reading my posts or you coming into private sessions with me, I am here for you.
You bring peace to the world by loving yourself.
Have a beautiful day - Namaste